Monday, May 11, 2009

Be Strong.

Posted by John Kelley, May 11, 2009 (as evidenced by the above picture)

In Tom Waits’ tribute song to the bachelors of his day, “Better Off Without a Wife”, the ruffled crooner sings, “you must be strong if you’re to go it alone.” Of course, if any of you have heard this reputable ruffian sing this or any other of his innumerable diamonds in the ruff (I just realized I used the word “ruff” 3 times, hardly professional), you recognize the comedic solemnity of his voice and might picture him crying over one too many beers, dirty as a barfly, and a little malnourished.

Mr. Waits never actually thought he was better off without a wife. He just had to kick back a few cold ones and write a self-assuring song about how he and his brethren were going to make it, but his days were numbered. He is now a married man and, so it would seem, happier and healthier than in the days of yon bachelorhood. I remember those days…….but I sing no songs of self-assurance for me or my married brethren. Suffice it to say, I am happier and much, much healthier.

We here at Twin Yolks (meaning me, while my wife is off to visit family for a spell) value our wives (meaning my one and only wife- I do not espouse polygamy). It has fallen upon me to do a tribute post, not to the bachelors, but to the matrons. Are we the lonely menfolk strong enough to go it alone? Nay, we are not; and in the context of our local food adventure, you must be strong if you’re to go it alone. Matrons, I salute you, for without you we would be in the proverbial gutter.

Fortunately, my mettle has not been tested, for I, like all husbands, am weak without my wife. Annie has ensured my future commitment to eat well and carry the fire through the wastelands of post-apocalyptic bachelordom by pre-ordering food from our weekly mainstay. Rest assured this food will not go to waste. On the contrary, it will achieve its full potential! I will take up the helm and navigate the choppy waters to the shores of temporary solitude (see above picture) and find it within me to CREATE.

Who knows what “Frankesteinian” dishes I might scare up? What man-things might I create to push the envelope of this predominately female audience? A pancake and egg sandwich? An egg couch or blanket? A lamburger pillow? Fear not, I carry the banner of my wife, your dedicated local food troubadour, whose spirit keeps me strong. Like the angel opposite the devil on my shoulder, she is even now telling me that a lamburger pillow is out of the question, absurd, folly, foolhardy, frivolous, to which I must agree. With that, I promise in a few days something to excite the senses. Thank you all, especially Annie my love, for putting up with this weak introduction to my almost certain downfall as I battle the kitchen elements in the days to come. Be strong.


A.Kelley said...

you were right, babe, a lamburger pillow is def. out of the question... nice post though, don't show me up!

Beatrice said...

in other words, in the end, all a man is with out his wife is a mop-headed, sullen raggamuffin in a teepee. i quite agree.

Kevin Park said...

You're definitely ruffing it without Annie. Andrew misses your ruff and tumble ways, so say hi to the Buddy when you get the chance. Great sub. blog!

rachel said...

John, Egg couch or a blanket? I'll take the lamburger. You know when you have to type in some word before you post? AKA: The word verification. Well, the nonsense below reads "agnulfis".. please use it in an upcoming post. I'll be looking...
Stay strong,
Rachel (Hoyt too)

John said...

My verification word was "retick", a close second to "agnulfis". Retick conjures up the image of removing ticks and putting them back on. Maybe applicable to 16th century medicinal "bleedings". Thanks to you all for the support!

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